The Consequences of Confession
When involved in recovery, we are encouraged to be open and honest about the causes and conditions of our drinking. Unfortunately, the natural result of that tactic is to be open about the things we resent, and chief among them was owning my shame. Unfortunately, doing so did not always resolve the problem. More effective was identifying what other's believed to be the problem. Please see: Confessions
Because we were traumatized by events leading to the separation of my parents, and because I was disoriented by travel and moving we did when I was young, I was suspicious of my Step-Father, and angry at my Mother for disrespecting my loyalty to my own Father. I did not want to be a ring bearer in their wedding, I would not call him Dad, and though I realize now that I too was part of the problem I did not like the new household. We were expected to babysit, do household chores, and work on our new home during the evenings after school, and the proud new Father was adapting by use of force.
Admittedly, I was rescued from a difficult situation in the Islands by my Mother, and a challenge from an old neighbor because I hit him with a baseball bat, but because I left, I never found out what happened to him. When he fell down, I went to his house and told his Mother, but we weren't taught to provide first aid at that age (I was no more than 7 or 8 at the time), and I didn't know how to use the phone for emergency services. I didn't check for life signs, or stay with him until help arrived (I couldn't stay with him while I left to get help), and I haven't been able to find out anything about his welfare since.
I remember feeling a little sheepish as I walked by his house. I was still welcomed by the girls in the neighborhood, some of whom were admonishing me to follow the Lord, but what I didn't realize then is that He may have had more to do with my behavior than I did!
See also: Self Examination
Though we don't always know what we've done, I was encouraged to find out just exactly what I have done wrong, to get to the bottom of my mistakes, and make amends. At that time, I believed confessing to my parents would work best. I didn't trust the alcoholics I knew, and I believe medical professionals we're unable to work with my material. I had to rely on the judgement and control of my parents frequently, and I still respect their ability to carry on.
While I was under the influence of medications (some of which my Step Father sold to Doctors I could only see once a season), testimony about questionable events such the colonic I was told to administer as a teenager may have been used to their advantage. I was unaware of what they were thinking when my children were taken, and all I had to work with was psychobabble. Now sober and making efforts to communicate with them again, I realize that because my Step Father referred to my brother's condition as Giant Colon (my family is descendent from a person the town referred to as 'The Giant' in Norway), and I was unaware of what was happening on medications, that I may have been characterized as an offender as a result of providing that treatment.
Sobriety afforded me the opportunity to write things down. I began by writing it up as a Federal Lawsuit suing for broken promises, and the courts deemed it frivolous. I sued for disturbing observations made of me while in restraints and was asked for clarification. I published clarifications on Facebook and Countless hours of documentation and evidence were removed. So I approached the problem by responding online, but because I was making a case without a Court, I had to identify myself, and the global approach resulted in a need to appeal to many others I hadn't considered before.